After publishing April 17th’s blog I realized something very important that I want to bring attention to.
This is an ‘I’m sorry if I hurt you,’ blog. For the people who know me well they will know that it was not my heart to hurt. But, if you’re reading this and you don’t know me as well I just wanted to clarify what I meant.
For some women who have miscarriages it is required of them that they have a d&c or some other medical procedure to make sure they are safe and everything is removed from the uterus/fallopian tubes. On their paper work it may very well say, ‘voluntary abortion.’ I read another mama’s blog where it did say that and how deeply heartbroken she was to read those words.
I just want to say that when I say ‘voluntary abortion,’ I mean when you have a viable pregnancy but choose to go to a clinic and choose to terminate(*shudder*). I absolutely do not mean if you have already miscarried and your choices are a d&c or to miscarry naturally at home. I respect whatever choice you make in that area. It is a hard one. I can tell you that when I was screaming in Veronica’s bathroom all I wanted was a d&c to get everything out of me. I wanted every reminder of my pregnancy gone. I am very grateful it didn’t happen that way. I know a lot of moms don’t get what I got and it’s very helpful for closure for me.
What I wish for every single miscarriage mama…outside of not having to have experienced one, is that they receive the type of closer that they need. Whether it’s buying jewelry of flowers; Celebrating your baby on their going home day or their due date; Lighting a candle on October 15th; Or if closure, for you, means not doing anything all, as I have also read from some mama’s.
The best piece of advice I have gotten from women who have had miscarriages and those who have not alike, is that you just have to do you. Grieve the way you have to grieve. You can’t worry if someone else is going to judge you or think you’re overreacting or silly. Losing your baby is real and grieving is an important process.