I have some really amazing, wise, loving people surrounding me right now. I want to publicly say thank you to them just as I will privately say thank you to them.

In no particular order…

Thank you

David-for leaving work to come with me to the ER and the Doctor’s office 40 minutes away. For letting me grieve and doing so much extra around the house and with Zara. For giving me space and making me talk. For being right there when I passed Emerson. For letting me cry so much all over you. For letting me pick their names and their flowers and the colors I associate with them. For being my husband.


David’s work-for letting him leave twice in one day. The first time for a possibly overly worried wife…the second time for a wife who knew there would only be bad news.

Veronica-for allowing me to scream in your bathroom. For not saying anything when nothing needed to be said. For watching Zara while I couldn’t. For calling David when you thought I went home after leaving your house. For holding me after I found out there was two.

Marilyn-for driving to Concordia just for the day so you could be here for David and me.

Aunt Cindy-for texting and calling and admitting that there are no words that will make this better.

Kristi-for letting me message you with all my thoughts and anger and hurts and confusion. For sharing your blog. You really have no idea how much you’re helping me right now. You are an amazing, strong, inspirational woman.

Jade-for being on the receiving end of so many face time sob fests and always being so patient.


Sami-for reaching out to me and being such a source of calm wisdom. For sharing about Malachi. For sharing your blog as well.

Rebekah-for understanding that I may not get back to you right away and that’s ok.

Faith-for answering so many questions and sending your love and just letting me know you’re thinking of me. You’re absolutely the best midwife a girl could ask for.


Randi-for your understanding and kind words

Rachel-for knowing me so well….to not text me because you know I’ll reach out to you if I need/want to.

Janette-for crying with me and sharing about Andrew.

My Mom-for dropping everything and coming down from Wisconsin to Kansas just to be here with me in this terrible time. For coming to me when I passed Judah.


My dad-for letting me just cry on the phone.

Phillip-for loving Zara the way you do.

(Zara was sleeping in the car and my mom and I needed to go into Wal Mart. Phillip said he would come in with her if she woke up. He put her up all by himself and was so proud. He loves wearing babies!)


To everyone who acknowledged that no words are going to fix this.

To everyone who left encouraging words on my or David’s facebook.


-confessions of a miscarriage mama-

(written on April 16th, 2017)