I imagine losing sleep is a common side effect of any type of loss. And here I am at 2a.m. writing a blog that I will publish, most likely, two weeks from yesterday. I’ve been doing a lot of writing lately. I asked my sister-in-law if it would be less authentic if people knew I was writing them so far in advance. I sure hoped not. I have so many things I want to say…but I don’t want to publish 20 blogs in one day. And, to me, they’re all different from each other so it’s not like they can go into one giant blog. I have a hard time sleeping anyway, so I figure I might as well get something productive done. I also clean, write in Zara’s journal, write thank you cards, thinking of you notes, watch netflix, eat…well, you get the picture. It’s not the best thing when you have an early bird baby. Last night I had a dream that a (not super close) family member was purposely kicking me in the stomach because she knew I had just had a miscarriage.I know I’ve talked about the bad dreams too much but when will they go away? I mean, I have lived with bad dreams/nightmares for a few years now but these are just downright sad rather than scary. The dryer just went off meaning I need to go change out the loads. Or I could wait until morning…There will just be more laundry to wash then anyway, right? That’s the life of a wife and mother.

the loudest silence

-confessions of a miscarriage mama-

(written on April 18th, 2017)