Shortly after Emmy and Judah left earth I bought two books, a new Bible, and a coloring book.
I started the ‘Grieving the Child I Never Knew’ Devotional first. I read day 4 last night dealing with validating your feelings and pain. A big topic in my therapy sessions is learning to validate myself and my feelings. And this short chapter hits home.
Oftentimes a miscarriage is viewed as ‘just a miscarriage,’ and people don’t understand why you’re hurting. And as a grieving mother they have no idea how much those words hurt us to our very spirit. They’re minimizing our loss rather than validating. As humans, I think one of our needs is to have our feelings validated no matter how small or insignificant they are.
Psalm 139 talks about how soon God knows you. While you were in the womb He knows you by name. We are never hidden from the love of Jesus because He is the one who has knit us together. I have said a few times that I got to hold Emmy and Judah’s unformed bodies. Psalm 139:16 says “Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” The God of the universe loved them for the short time they were growing in me and He loves them now. He doesn’t love them any more or any less. He loves the just the same.
You may have some really terrible things said to you. By people who are just trying to be comforting. By people who have never been through this.
It’s a good thing you lost it so early.”
“Be thankful for your other children.”
“I shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells when it comes to talking about pregnancy and birth and children.”
And unless someone in your life is just really spiteful and mean I’m sure they don’t mean to cause hurt. I have to believe they are only trying to comfort. Either way, it minimizes your hurt. And I don’t want to minimize you being hurt by their words. I expect you to hurt. I just want you to know your grief is real. And your grieving process will be unique to you.
Hold Jesus close to your heart during this difficult time. He is truly the only one who will give you comfort.
-confessions of a miscarriage mama-