Ok, so I said I would have part two of A Miscarriage Story written today but something really excited happened that I wanted to write about instead. So part two can be tomorrow if that’s ok with all of you.

I’m going to let you all in on a little secret of my marriage. David and I don’t always sleep in the same bed at night. It really started when I was pregnant with Zara. Guys…I snore, apparently loud. And it got worse when I was pregnant with Zara. Well, David is a VERY light sleeper and was driving for his job at the time. So, he would wait until I fell asleep and then go get his sleep in the spare bed(because he knew how much it meant to me for us to sleep together.) And then, afterwards, when Zara was still co-sleeping with us we would sometimes sleep in the same bed but sometimes not because he was still driving for work and babies wake up all night, am I right? So, at 8 months Zara decided she liked sleeping better alone. Sad day for this mama. I wanted her to co-sleep for at least two years. Even though, honestly, I knew David really wanted her to sleep independently. So, since then we’ve been sleeping in the same bed.

Well, since the miscarriage, I’ve been pushing him away and one of the ways is sleeping downstairs while he sleeps upstairs. There are two reasons for this..well, I guess they tie together so maybe it’s just one reason. He works at 6 a.m. every other day and I just haven’t really been able to fall asleep before 2.  And like I’ve said a few times, lately, I’ve been having nightmares/bad dreams every night.

Now to get to the good/exciting part. Last night I was going to sleep downstairs again. I was cleaning/writing/etc and Zara started crying. I went upstairs to get her some milk and change her diaper and David came out of the room (I thought he was sleeping) and asked me to come upstairs and sleep with him. (even though he had to be to work at 6.) So, I did. And guess what! I fell right to sleep and didn’t have any even relatively bad dreams at all. It was a dreamless wonderful sleep. He told me he wanted me up there because he was calmer that way (aaaaaaawwwwwwwwww) but it was the most restful sleep I’ve gotten in weeks. Honestly. And I woke up feeling refreshed. It just made me so happy. It made him so happy!

A little longer than I thought this would be but I’m so excited to share this! It’s been a hard few days and I don’t know why…well, it’s because my hormones are really going away now. I wasn’t nauseous at all today. Why do pregnancy hormones have to last so long after you’re not pregnant. It’s like a postpartum body without the baby. I think I’ve said that before. And I said all that to say this…I’m back downstairs tonight. I would rather be upstairs with my husband because I love just sleeping with him…but my defenses are keeping me from that.

If you pray, just pray for me. I need to get over this so I can be there for him and I can let him be there for me. Thanks.

-confessions of an insecure wife-

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