Alright…if you’ve been regularly reading my blogs you know Part 1 was shared on Monday the 15th. I meant to share these consecutively, but I’m just having a hard time writing all this down. So I’ve been putting off. Well, here it is. I don’t know why I’ve been dreading part writing this part. It’s just going to be about the pregnancy. No matter, though, here it is.

This pregnancy was different, right from the start. Yes, I know all pregnancies are different but this one was even different than that. I immediately got a three day long headache. I was SO beyond tired. I could not stay awake. I probably could have fallen asleep standing up. Just right away, at four weeks. I also just had so much clear/white discharge. I googled it and one of the first results were talking about how she was scared of miscarriage..even though everyone else said it was normal. That scared me enough, so I stopped looking on google.

At the 5ish week mark I got a little inkling that it might be twins. It surprised me because I wasn’t having any nausea at all. Just a little feeling I had. Of course, I started freaking out. I couldn’t imagine adding one more, let alone two. Three kids under two years old. Yikes!

Around 5 weeks, as well, I had a little bit of bleeding. It lasted maybe 2 days. It was a really light flow and very streaky with a lot of clear discharge. I called my SIL and she said it was normal. I asked women from the November group I was in and they said it was normal. I know it’s normal for some women to have bleeding. For me, though, it was quite worrisome. With Zara I didn’t even have implantation bleeding. So, something was just off. It stopped after two days and I was instantly relieved.

Another worrisome thing for me was that my symptoms were inconsistent. Off and on, you know what I mean. I would have some mild nausea one or two days and then nothing. I dry heaved once and then nothing. Tired and then not. I thought that was odd but I really tried to not worry.

I’m a really big worrier though…and it makes me wonder now, that if maybe I didn’t worry so much, would I still be pregnant? Did I speak this loss over me because I thought about it more than I should have? It’s just another source of guilt.

Part 3 on Monday.

-Confessions of a Miscarriage Mama-