Can I be real honest with you guys? As if, I’m not always really honest with you guys? I’ve had two Mothers Day’s and they have both sucked. I was really excited for both of them…I had hope they would be great.

My first was just terrible. Zara was just about 6 weeks old. We were in Utica to celebrate May Day. Zara cried all day. And when I say all day I am not exaggerating. I knew she was hungry…and I breastfed her all day. But she would just cry. She would latch and cry. She would unlatch and cry. There was no real napping. I didn’t understand why she was so hungry if I was feeding her. At the end of the day I cried. What was I doing wrong?

I had hopes that my second would be better. When I found out I was pregnant in March I knew it would have to be better! Then I miscarried in April and didn’t want the day to come. How could I celebrate being a mother with two babies not with me. I was also having a hard time bonding and connecting with Zara at the time so that made it harder. I didn’t even go to church that day. They did give my husband a little plant for me though. That was nice. Another thing that I wouldn’t be able to keep alive. David did get me a really beautiful bracelet with a giraffe, fox, and lion charm with hand stamped ‘z,’ ‘e,’ and ‘j,’ on it. I cried. Duh.

I don’t have much hope for next Mother’s Day. Maybe that is better. Maybe if I expect hardship and disappointment anything less than that will be marvelous.

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